hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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