So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize