Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
