walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
please come you make the beer taste better
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize