i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
