my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
