So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
