There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
