but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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