This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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