it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
