Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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