i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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