I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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