Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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