if only i could text you this smell
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
