cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
