I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize