you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
ttyl tear gas
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
whose parrot is this?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
