I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
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She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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