im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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