New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
