3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
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Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
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We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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