My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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