he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize