Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
