Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
