the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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