i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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