She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
