Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize