I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
