I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
