ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
