guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
