every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
