Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
