Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You're like the curious george of whores
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
