OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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