he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
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my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
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Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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