Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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