Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
