He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
