Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize