do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
