Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
