There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
