TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
