I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
