As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize