we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
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Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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