There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
