so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
