i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
