Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
