One girl and one boy is just not enough.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You took a bar mat shot.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
