just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This baby is an asshole
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
