you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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