does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
