your thong is hanging out like whoa
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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