Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
