I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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