My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize