Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Sorry my hands just texted you
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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